‘Cause I’m broken
When I’m open

-Broken
-Seether

Yes - I know….
Two lines is NOT really the same
as posting lyrics - Sue me.

I work with a guy who doesn’t believe in luck.  He thinks that some people work hard and earn the right to have things go their way.  Other people just get the short end of the stick because inherently, they are losers and someone needs to be at the bottom of the line.

Frankly - I used to believe that the whole argument was just silly.  SILLY, I TELL YOU!

But, I bought a new car last year.  It was my first new car in 12ish years.  And I was so very thankful to have it.  I love the car….the car loves me.  It’s a special car to me for multiple reasons…none of which have to do with the busty gal who helped me christen it, 2 days after I bought it.  Yes - that’s right, me, and old man -I hooked up in my car.  HA!

Anyway - about a week after I got the car, the tire-pressure light kept coming on. It’s the one that says, “Pull over before you crash and die - you’re about to have a flat tire.”  Well - I never got the flat tire.  Mazda couln’t stop the light from coming on.  They replaced tires, sensors, pressure gauges, and miles and miles of wires.  When all else failed - I called a lawyer.  Mazda offered to replace my car.  I didn’t want a new car.  I wanted MY car. It was just a few months old.  So Mazda gave me a check for $4,000 for my time and my trouble - which I felt was disgustingly large (considering the part that was faulty was $149.) 

As of the payment I made today - my car is 12 months old.  The $4,000 was very well spent, and the light still occasionally comes on as if to say, “Hi, remember me? I paid for your camera, and paid off your Visa.  How ya doing?”  I don’t mind.  It’s comforting - it’s like a little beacon that screams, “Don’t you worry, we’re in this together - if I have to grind the doors off to keep you safe during a crash - I will - these tires will NOT run flat, and we will NOT flip.  I am your car…and you are my driver.  We arrive early at the gates of dawn, and we take no prisoners.”  Wow - not sure where I was headed with that one….

So anyway - I bought a new phone today.  My first new phone in 3+ years.  It’s a gorgeous little Blackberry Curve.  For the first 2 hours - I love it. I was happy…it did every single thing that I wanted the phone to do.

Then the lights stopped working.  It’s basically a plastic brick with little buttons on it.  How Fun.

Maybe tomorrow i’ll buy a watch, and it can explode in my face.  (If I were lucky, like the guy I talked about up top, maybe I’d be able to find a woman to do the same.)

Hey - at least i’m not bored.

Have a great night.
Buy Mazdas - they are amazing and fast and drive like nothing else in their price point.
The jury on Blackberrys, however, is still very much out.

 -The Stranger

I pedal and pedal
To ride past the devil
Past the boogeyman
And around the hedges
And as the temp goes up
I feel my sweat
Drip down my back
And across my crack
Break my momma’s back
With sweat on my balls
As darkness falls
I pedal and pedal
To beat that devil
I ride into the sun
And into the sun
Gonna have me some fun
On into the sun
And Into the sun

-Old Boys Bike
 - Seth Cooper

A couple of things happened tonight.  They’ve happened before - but i’m always so thankful when I can be a part of this grand event.  Sometimes, I doubt and I deny.  We’ll get back to this.

A couple of years ago, I jumped on the satelite radio craze.  I remember taking the long way home - I remember sitting in my car in the driveway - I remember staying up until 3am just listening.  See, for me, music is a sacred thing.  I can’t read music, play an instrument, or carry a tune.  I don’t know a C from an A unless i’m looking at a 2nd grade spelling book.  But - for me - someone who is so lost all the time, music is the path that leads me home, or back to my sane mind, or back to something omnipotent.

I am a Pearl Jam fan.  When it’s not cool - when I’m told to get out of the ’90s - when I’m told he mumbles - and when i’m told to change the ring-tone on my cell phone - I’m still a fan.  365 days a year - rain, sleet, diarrhea and snow - I am a fan.  And what I can say is this….

Songs like “Footsteps” or “Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small Town” or “Black” or “Porch” and so many others have helped to fill holes in me…they are proof to me that when someone is at the top of their game, they can use the power of creation, and make something beautiful out of nothing at all.

Is that dramatic? Sure! Is it wholly accurate from where I stand? You bet your ass it is.  No one has any issues when people weep at an Opera.  I fully accept that we can all find meaning in different things.  For some, it’s trees, for others, it’s stained-glass buildings that bring them closer to their own universal truths.  Well, today - I found another catalyst for healing and truth and beauty.

continue reading "Times change - but the standards remain"

Forgivenes
Is more than saying sorry 
Forgiveness
Means accepting
People’s flaws

To forgive is divine
So lets have a glass of wine
And have some make up sex
Until the end of time, time, time…

-S. James

A stranger came to me tonight.  We hadn’t spoken in 6 months - but she was with me for every day of it.  And while I’m the one that pushed her away and said goodbye, she never left my mind. 

I’m about to take ownership of some written words that aren’t mine.  They belong to one of the most decorated (think “christmas tree,” but more different) writers of the last 20 years.  Yeah - i’m making up the fine print - but I love his work, and he’s a friend of mine.  Perry Glasser once wrote something to the effect of…

Love easily and well, if not wisely.

Now I know I’ve probably butchered that…but I think it gets the point across.

No - Screw that!!!  I was about to write this long drawn out piece about how the women I love don’t love me back, and how the women who love me, aren’t loved by me in return.  But it’s not really important.

What’s important, is that for the first time in 6 months, I don’t feel a hole in my chest.  I don’t feel empty.  Tomorrow, when I go to work, and Chuckie says, “How was your weekend,” I won’t be lying to him when I say “amazing.”  Something very special  fell into place tonight - And I’m just so glad we crossed paths.

And I’m so thankful that for once, I was brave enough to take a chance and say “hi.”  I’m not usually that brave - I don’t give second chances, especially not second chances that could potentially lead to me being hurt.  But tonight was different.  I wish I could bottle what I felt when I first heard her voice tonight. 

I live for words…I live for black type, in 10pt on ivory 20lb paper….and tonight, my words betray me.  I can’t explain it.  Frankly, even if I could - I don’t know that i’d want to share it.  This is mine - and I want to hold on to it for a while.

Who knows…maybe the wedge that slid between us those months ago will show up again…and maybe it wont.  I don’t really know.  Frankly, I don’t care.

I’ve missed her in my life for so long.  I’ve felt her absence every day for the past 6 months….and I’m just so very greatful for the memories that stayed fresh during our time apart…the ones that kept me company when I missed my dog, or my mom, or when life was hard and it was tough to muddle through.

Sometimes, you want tomorrow to start sooner than you ever thought possible.

Thank you for being brave enough to get in touch with me
Oh how I’ve missed you…

-Seth